


Sick of Waking Up in Darkness (when the sky is always painted blue)

by Hippomatrix



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Schizophrenia, lots of mental health issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-03 12:06:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11531877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hippomatrix/pseuds/Hippomatrix
Summary: Maka and Soul are both barely holding it together when they meet each other. She can't rid herself of her traumatic past and he can't see reality the way he's supposed to. They try their best to help each other.





	1. Cause the darkness is surrounding you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyyyy so I've been thinking abt writing this for abt 6 months now since I spent a week in a mental hospital and I just read a fucking AMAZING book called Made You Up by Francesca Zappia that sparked my motivation again. I am not schizophrenic and I've never experienced sexual assault, but I'm going to do my best to write believable and realistic characterizations. My personal experience is w clinical depression, mild ocd, and mild ocd related anxiety.
> 
> Title is from the song "Life Support" by Sam Smith

Maka's grip on her book tightened as she walked down the hallway. Her first day at her new school. Another chance at her Junior year. She should have be happy, excited even, but she wasn't. She wanted to believe that she'd be safe here, but nowhere felt safe anymore. Every boy in this hallway, in this school, in this _world_ , could be a threat.

Black Star was the only boy in this school she knew she could trust, and that was only because she lived with him. She'd been withdrawn the first few days living in her new foster home, but she's quickly figured out that although he's obnoxious and loud and surprisingly good in a fight, his intentions toward her didn't seem to be sinister. And even if he did attack her, she'd been around him enough at this point to know his weaknesses. She would have a fighting chance if he did attack her.

Maka knew her defensiveness and fear of being attacked bordered on paranoia, but she didn't care. She wasn't going to let herself be attacked so easily. Not again. Never again.

Someone said something to her and she looked up, apprehension scrawled across her face when she saw how close the boy speaking to her was. Maka hadn't really heard what he'd just said to her, but she doesn't like the snide look on his face or the way his eyes roamed as if he has a right to look at her like that.

"Leave me alone!" Maka said harshly, trying to scare him off.

The boy sniggered and reached out towards her. "Why would you wear this if you want to be left alone?" He grabbed a fistful of her skirt in his hand and Maka tensed, whole body freezing up.

As he leaned forward and grinned Maka knew she must look like a deer caught in the headlights. Like easy prey. His face loomed closer and his hand lifted up her skirt and her mind flashed back to the last time this happened. To hands pulling at her clothes and grabbing at her and pinning her down, gripping her flesh hard enough to leave bruises.

It happened so fast. One second the unknown boy was standing there, his predatory attitude probably blown out of proportion in Maka's mind, and the next he was sprawled across the floor, a steady stream of blood gushing from his nose. His hand reached up to his face and came away red, and he looked up at Maka in horror. "What the _FUCK_?!" he spat out, practically screaming the last part.

Maka looked up at where her hand was still gripping her book, the cover now speckled with this pervert's blood. _Shit_. She hadn't meant to hit him so hard -hadn't meant to hit him at all- but now everyone was looking at her as if _she_  was the dangerous one and _holy shit_ she'd just assaulted another student. Her first day at this school and she was already going to be expelled.

"I... I told you to leave me alone," she stammered weakly. "I didn't... You shouldn't have..." It was no use. She couldn't fix this. He may have sexually harassed her, but she had full-on assaulted him. And he hadn't caused her any bodily harm, so they won't believe it was out of self defense.

"Miss Albarn?"

Maka blinked and looked over to see her foster father standing next to the boy she just hit, who was now back on his feet and trying to tell Sid how he was just attacked, "completely unprovoked." His hand was pinched over his nose and blood was beginning to stain his crisp white shirt.

Sid held up a hand to silence the boy and looked directly at Maka, waiting for an explanation. He knew Maka, knew she wouldn't attack someone unprovoked. He may not have approved, but he'd at least give her a chance to explain herself.

Maka chewed her lip nervously but was saved from having to answer when someone else spoke up. "He was harassing her, sir," a tall girl said, resting a comforting hand on Maka's shoulder. Maka flinched at the sudden contact but didn't move to pull away.

"He grabbed her skirt and she pushed him away."

Sid looked at the two girls with an undecernible expression then turned to the boy. "Detention," he said. "Both of you."

The boy looked like he was going to argue, so Sid continued before he could be interrupted. "I'm going easy on you two, so you'd better behave from now on. Consider this your warning."

The boy turned away in a huff and Maka looked at the other girl gratefully. "Thank you."

"No problem," the girl replied with a friendly smile. "My name's Tsubaki, and you must be Maka."

Tsubaki held out a hand and Maka took it tentatively. "Do I... know you?" The name sounded familiar but she was fairly certain she'd never met this girl before.

"I'm a friend of Black Star's," Tsubaki clarified. "You're his new foster sister, right?"

Maka nodded mutely and Tsubaki's grin managed to get even wider and more friendly. "You're pretty cool, I hope we'll be good friends."

"Um... yeah. Me too," Maka said awkwardly.

* * *

The rest of the day was mostly uneventful. Word of Maka's less than subtle rejection seemed to have spread fast, as most of the boys she encountered kept their distance and left her alone. A few of them even looked a little afraid of her. Good. They should be. It was exactly what she wants. They were less likely to attack if they thought she'd fight back.

It also turned out that she and Tsubaki had many of the same classes, which was a relief. Following the other girl around and having someone to sit next to helped ease her worries. Maka wasn't quick to trust, but so far Tsubaki seemed safe enough. They even exchanged numbers, Tsubaki assuring Maka that she could call or text anytime if she needed anything or even just wanted to hang out. Maka doubted she'd end up taking Tsubaki up on the offer, but it was still nice to know it was an option.

Maka got a little lost after being released from her hour of mind numbingly boring detention and wandered aimlessly around her new campus, trying to familiarize herself with it. She decided she likes the school better like this, quiet and still. There was no one to be wary off. This late in the day the hallways were empty of students and teachers alike, and she was glad that she didn't run into anyone.

She heard music as she was passing a door and turned the handle to open it a crack, peeking inside. The notes of a piano drifted towards her, more distinct now that they weren't muffled by the heavy door. The room was mostly dark, only a small section of the overhead lights turned on to illuminate the grand piano in the far corner.

There was someone sitting at the bench and playing. A boy. His hair shone a silvery white and Maka thought she might have recognized him. Was he in one of her classes? There were so many new people she couldn't be sure if he was among those she met today.

Maka pushed the door further open and stepped into the room as quietly as she could. The pianist's music was dark, notes crashing together in disharmony, forming a surprisingly beautiful score. It was somehow messy and elegant at the same time, and something about it resonated within her.

After a few more minutes the boy stopped playing. "What do you think?" He asked without turning to look at her.

Maka jumped in surprise. Was he talking to her? She didn't think he'd noticed her come in. "It's... Interesting," she remarked.

The boy finally turns towards her and smiled a Cheshire grin. He looked her up and down with detached curiosity. "You Black Star's sister?"

"Foster sister," Maka clarified. She wasn't sure how everyone seems to already know who she was, but it saved her the trouble of having to introduce herself.

The boy nodded and stood up, gangly limbs unfolding as he strode over to her. He was at least half a head taller than her, but it was hard to tell with the way he slouched. He withdrew a hand from where it had been shoved into his pocket and held it out to Maka. "Solomon Evans," he said. "But everyone calls me Soul."

Maka eyed his hand with distrust but hesitantly reached out her own to take it, gripping firmly. She refused to be intimidated by something as simple as a handshake. "Maka Albarn."

After a moment he pulled his hand back and shoved it back into his pocket. Relieved, Maka let her own hand fall back to her side.

Soul just stood there without saying anything, eye contact unwavering, and it made her uneasy. "What were you playing?" she asked hesitantly, wanting to break the silence.

He shrugged. "Just a piece I've been working on."

"What's it about?"

The corner of his mouth quirked up and he tilted his head to the side. "You mean you can't tell? It's about me."

Her brow furrowed in confusion but Soul didn't bother to elaborate. He just walked past her and left, holding up a hand in farewell without looking back at her. She frowned. What was this guy's deal?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 2-07-18: Switched from present-tense to past-tense


	2. I've been sleeping with the lights on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I took so long to update. I've been thinking about this fic a lot, it just took me a while to get this chapter finished
> 
> also I went back and edited the last chapter to be in past tense rather than present tense bc I like it better that way. The story's still the same, I just like the flow of past-tense better in this particular story.

Soul noticed her watching him in class the next day with an unreadable expression. It seemed like whenever he glanced in her direction her gaze was already trained on him. Maka's eyes were such a vivid acidic green he couldn't help but wonder if that was their natural color or just his mind playing tricks on him.

Or was she real at all? Maybe she was completely fabricated and he needed to start taking his meds more frequently. Black Star had mentioned having a new foster sister, but Soul wasn't sure if he could trust her. Something about her seemed off, like she was hiding something, and it was hard to know for sure if she was telling the truth. She was constantly on edge as if expecting an attack at any moment. What was she so afraid of? What monsters lurked in the back of her mind?

He sighed and looked back down at his paper, doodling in the margins mindlessly. The stick figures quickly devolved into grotesque monsters, mirroring the dark figures he'd seen emerge from the shadows of his room last night. His pen scraped harshly against his paper as he remembered the way they'd crept over his bed on spindly limbs with far too many joints. It hadn't a good night for him. But at least he wasn't hearing any voices today. At least the monsters weren't attacking him. They were just watching.

Always watching. Always.

* * *

Soul went to his and Black Star's usual meet up spot after school only to find his friend conspicuously absent, his foster sister left to find her own way home.

Maka eyed him warily as he approached her but didn't move away. "Black Star's in detention," she said without preamble.

Shit, well that explained it, then. "Do you... need someone to walk you home?"

Maka fidgeted with the book in her hand, clearly uncomfortable asking Soul for a favor. "Black Star said you wouldn't mind. Sid has to stay late, and I don't, uh," she frowned at her shoes. "I don't really know my way around yet."

He nodded. He was headed there anyways, might as well help her out. "Sure, it's no problem. You ready to go?"

Maka nodded and he started walking, gesturing for her to follow. She stood further away from him on the sidewalk than was probably necessary but he didn't say anything. Maybe she just really liked having her personal space. He could respect that.

"So... how's living with Black Star?"

She snorted, some of the awkward tension fading away. "Loud."

Soul sniggered at her bluntness. "Yeah, he doesn't really understand the meaning of 'inside voice,' does he? But you get used to it."

Maka glanced over at him but looked back at the ground when his eyes meet her gaze. "How long have you two been friends?"

Soul scratched his head and adjusted his headband. "Dunno. Few years. Since middle school, at least. He's a pain in the ass, but he means well."

Maka nodded and Soul noticed her posture has relaxed somewhat. She was also closer to him than she'd been at the beginning, body no longer consciously avoiding him. They were side by side now, and it was odd what a huge difference this shift in demeanor made. He hadn't even realized the extent of her guardedness until now.

Of course as soon as he thought it she noticed him watching her and her guard went right back up.

He quirked a brow but doesn't say anything. The awkward silence from before returned.

But it didn't last. After a few moments her voice broke the uncomfortable silence. "How long have you been playing?"

Soul turned his head in surprise. He wasn't expecting her to reinitiate their conversation. "Oh, uh, I don't know. As long as I can remember, I guess. My parents were hoping I'd be a music prodigy like my older brother so they started lessons early."

Maka nodded. "You're good at it."

He snorted derisively. "I'd hope so, after all those damn lessons." Soul had never been a natural like Wes is when it came to music; he'd honed his his skills through years of hard work and dedication. His parent's must've spent a fortune on private lessons over the years.

She laughed at his snarky response. It was a nice sound. Maybe if the voices in his head sounded that pleasant he wouldn't mind them so much.

Soul grinned as they walked up the pathway to Sid's house, stepping aside as Maka fished her keys out of her ridiculously large backpack and unlocked the door.

Soul loitered by the entrance as Maka stepped inside, unsure what the protocol for this was. He and Black Star had planned to hang out later, but it would probably be weird for him to just invite himself in while Maka was here by herself, right?

Maka looked over her shoulder at him as she set her bag down inside, picking up on his uncertainty. An emotion he couldn't quite understand flashed across her face. He thought it might have been relief.

"You can... come in, if you want," she said awkwardly. "To wait for Black Star. He'll probably be home soon."

"Oh," Soul said stupidly. "Okay."

Maka took off her shoes as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He stood there silently as she hoisted her bag back over her shoulder and headed for the stairs. After a few seconds Soul heard the distinct click of a door shutting as Black Star's sister disappeared into her room.

* * *

Black Star shoved his hand into the bowl of chips, stuffing a handful into his mouth. Soul watched as his friend managed to talk with his mouth full and to spray crumbs all over the carpet of his bedroom. "I'm surprised she let you in the house," Black Star cackled.

Soul frowned and looked back at the video game they were playing. "Why is that so surprising?"

"Dude," Black Star said seriously, though his mouth full of chips diminished the effect. "Maka has, like, _serious_ trust issues. Especially with dudes."

"Oh." Well that explained a lot. Soul looked down at the game controller in his hands. "That sucks."

"Eh," Black Star said, "it's fine after a while. She didn't like me at first but now we get along okay." He looked over at Soul. "She seems to like you, though."

Soul shrugged. "I guess."

* * *

Soul stayed over at Black Star's house that night but he couldn't sleep. The voices were keeping him awake, whispering things into his ears. He was ready to continue his valiant attempts at ignoring them when he heard a very distinctive _meow_. He smushed his face into his borrowed pillow. Since when did Black Star have a cat? And what was it doing in here bothering him for?

The cat meowed again, this time on the other side of Soul's head. He groaned in annoyance and lifted his head up to look at the clock sitting on the night stand. It read  _3:17 AM_.

He glanced round the room but didn't see any signs of a cat. Just as he was ready to shrug it off as his imagination he heard it again. Meow. His eyes scanned the darkness before landing on a black cat sitting by the door. It blended into the darkness, but now that he knew where to look he could see that it was waiting patiently for something. After staring at him for a few seconds it tilted its head and meowed, pawing lightly at the closed door.

Soul sighed and unzipped his sleeping bag, crawling out of its protective warmth and standing up. Might as well let Black Star's cat out since he was up anyways. It wasn't like he was going to fall back asleep anytime soon.

The cat's ears perked up as Soul walked over to the door and pulled it open. "Go on," he whispered. It looked up at him a few moments longer before hissing and bolting out the door and down the hall.

" _Shit_ ," Soul swore as the cat began to yowl loudly, following it down the hall until he lost sight of it in the darkness.

He could still hear the horrible high pitched yowling but the cat was nowhere to be seen. Because it wasn't there. It had never been there.

It wasn't real.

As soon as he realized it the cat appeared in front of him again, luminous eyes staring at him silently, mocking him. But the wailing had quieted to soft sobs. The sound was now distinctly human, and it wasn't coming from the cat. It was coming from behind the door to Maka's room.

He was almost certain the sound of Maka's quiet crying was real.


End file.
